Dating someone whose friends and family don’t yet know they are gay can be a challenge, but coming out is a huge milestone, whether you chose to come out as a teen or later in life, it’s important to remember that not everyone will feel ready at the same time. So what if you’ve fallen for someone who hasn’t yet come out? If you really like them it shouldn’t put you off, but bear in mind that certain situations may be more difficult for them. We’ve put together 5 tips for dating someone who hasn’t yet come out.
It’s a well known fact that love, infatuation and attraction are things we just can’t control. You can’t help who you fall for and cupid’s bow is notoriously inconvenient. Gay relationships (or any relationship for that matter)don’t wait around until circumstances are right, so it’s understandable that when someone special comes along you’ll want to make it work, regardless of the stages you’re both at. If you make the decision to keep the flame alive, you’ll need to put in the effort; that means both partners will have to do their fair share of compromising.
Remember when you came out? We bet there were some aspects which were at least a little tricky to navigate. Put yourself in the shoes of the guy you’re dating; the chances are he’s daunted and excited at the same time. Realise that there could be a lot at stake for him, not only will he be worrying that his relationship with his family and friends might be affected, but his life is about to change forever. It’s an exciting time, but one in which he could use some empathy from someone who’s been through it already.
Whatever you do, don’t push your partner to come out before they’re ready. You could end up pushing them away, which is the last thing you want. If your man is older, it might be something they have thought about for so long that it’s become a huge prospect for them. Without putting pressure on him, help him to talk through the parts which seem the most difficult and how he might be able to get past these fears.
Your man is probably over the moon to have found someone he really clicks with. Like anyone who’s just found love, he would more than likely shout it from the rooftops if he felt he could. The fact that he hasn’t done this is no reflection on you or your relationship, so don’t take it to heart. Feel lucky that you found him, and be a decent, caring, supportive person until he is ready to become part of the gay dating scene.
Once he feels ready, ease your partner into the gay scene gradually by going to bars, events and places which are gay friendly and where you can show affection. Boost his confidence by letting him know you’d like to show the rest of your gay friends who you’re dating. He may well be excited and happy that you’re introducing him to this part of your life. When he’s completely out and proud, he’ll be glad he had your support with meeting new people and experiencing the gay social scene for himself.
27 years old
Yorkshire and the Humber
Well, where do I start! I'm a 26 year old tall (nearly 6ft) blonde hair and blue eyes, looking for a genuine guy who can make me l... find out more
27 years old
Tyne and Wear
North East England